Forgiveness

I tend to become irritated by the small things in life: The teacher who doesn’t really teach, the friend who steals your keys as a practical joke, or the small fact I shouldn’t have blurted out yesterday. God has been working on helping me with the small things my entire life. Grudges have always come easily to me. Sometimes I lose the grudge as fast as I gained it, other times I wallow in self-pity. God is constantly teaching me to change the way I act and to change the way I forgive both myself and those I know.

One summer, I went to summer camp. I found out on accident that a friend of mine planned to play a practical joke on me. I took it the wrong way and decided to get even. I took measures to defend myself and the day before the planned joke I played a guilt trip on her, telling her how much I loved and trusted her. Nothing happened the next day.

Another summer, I went kayaking with some friends. We stopped to play in the water on the shore for a short while. I didn’t play. I didn’t like getting wet when I had my clothes and no bathing suit. My friends snuck up behind me and splashed water all over me. I was soaked and I added more water to my clothes with my tears. I cried and yelled at them and held a grudge against them for a day or two before I got over it, but I never fully or officially forgave them.
Most recently, while playing a game of Apples to Apples, my college friends decided to steal my keys and hide them. They refused to give back my keys until we had finished the game. The stress built up inside me and once the game was over I ran to my room to cry. I wasn’t so much mad at them as I was mad at myself for getting stressed over such a small thing.

Another day, a college friend of mine called me an idiot for skipping chapel. It hurt my feelings, and I yelled back at her. We didn’t talk for most of the day. After a while, however, we talked it over and forgave each other.

Some of my college teachers also get on my nerves. One teacher, in particular, talks down to her students a lot. There have been days when I wanted to shoot her or myself (figuratively speaking – not literally) because I didn’t want to be in class. I felt her class was pointless and that she didn’t teach anything. When Professor Cook gave his lecture on forgiveness, this teacher was the first person to come to my mind.

As the days went on after the lecture, I began to think of all the other areas of my life where I have forgotten to truly forgive. I needed to forgive my teacher and get the most out of her class as I possibly could. I needed to forgive my friends for playing practical jokes on me. I needed to forgive myself for all my sins.

I have the most trouble forgiving myself. The guilt won’t always go away. I often feel drained inside. I question God. I ask Him how He could have a plan for me, a sinner who never seems to stop sinning. I question how He can forgive me and why I can’t forgive myself. I ask Him if He still loves me even after all the stupid things I’ve done and continue to do. Even the little sins tend to grow on my back as a burden. I know God sees all sins as equal, but it’s hard to see things through God’s eyes. I keep reading verses about how God has a plan for my life and about how He will never stop forgiving me, but they don’t seem to register in my heart.

A few months ago I opened my Bible and found Luke 17:4. It says, “And if he sins against you 7 times a day, and 7 times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” This verse applies both to forgiving my friends and forgiving myself. It stood out to me because it was different. I had never read it before, although I had read Matthew 18 plenty of times.

I continue to try to allow God to work in my heart. While things don’t seem to register, I know God will always be there for me. As a step of faith, I often randomly open my Bible and start reading. I ask God to speak to me. Even if I don’t feel His presence or His forgiveness today, I ask Him to show Himself to me and to use me. I ask Him to take my bitterness away and to help me forgive myself and my friends.

Recently, I opened my Bible to Proverbs 24:10-11 which says, “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small. Deliver those who are drawn toward death, and hold back those stumbling to the slaughter.” Reading this, I said a short prayer to God:

Lord,

I know I am weak. Lord, be my strength. Do not let me fall again. Help me to forgive others and to forgive myself. I need You and You alone to deliver me from. Hold me back and keep me from death. Show me your ways. Help me to be careful what I say and to not let my emotions get the best of me. When I am tempted to show my frustration, I will go to you. I will love others as you love me. Thank you for being the light on my path. Please continue to shine in my life. Make me whole in You.

Your Daughter, Harmony

Book Review: How to be Heard in Heaven

HOW TO BE HEARD IN HEAVEN
By Eddie Smith
Bethany House, 0764203924, PB, 172 pages, $14.99

In How to be Heard in Heaven, Eddie Smith reminds readers, “as long as we whine to God about our problems, we’ll see nothing. Begin to celebrate God’s answer, and He will show it to you” (p 130).

Smith explores prayer as an intimate relationship with Christ wherein we acknowledge God’s power and submit to His will. We should trust God to provide and should become expectant prayer warriors, praying as if God has already answered us.

Smith uses simple stories, concepts, and verses to support his ideas. His ideas are refreshingly different from those in typical books on prayer. He covers thought-provoking concepts with easy-to-understand language. Smith also discusses controversial aspects such as healing and miracles. Occasionally you have to read something several times to understand it, but most of the book is an easy read. How to be Heard in Heaven fits church libraries best because Smith writes to mature teenagers and adults who want to further their relationship with Christ.

A Bible Quiz

I found this quiz through http://msp31wannabe.blogspot.com/2007/12/something-fun-quiz.html

You know the Bible 98%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

An Extra Hand: How I Got My Segway Tire Off the Segway

God is so amazing! When I'm in the tightest pinch, He always works things out for me! He waits for me to totally freak out and then reminds me that I need Him. Then, he solves the problem. Sometimes He does it in an unexpected way, as well. Today I put my segway tire back on my segway. This afternoon, I realized the other tire was flat. I began to freak out. I tried to remove it so I could pump it up, but couldn't figure out how to do it. I tried to pump it up while it was still on the segway and that didn't work. I called my dad to try to figure out how to use the tool to remove the segway. I scratched and hurt myself. I broke a nail! I cried. I whined. I was exhausted. I had quite a work out! But then, I decided to give it one last try. I started to try to unscrew the screws the opposite way I had been trying and it worked! It worked a lot easier than I thought it would work! I'm not very strong, so it was as if God had given me an extra hand! I pumped it up, and at first the air didn't seem to stay in the tire. I kept trying, however, and now it's full of air (15-20 psi)! Now I'm waiting to see if the air leaks out. If it doesn't, my segway, Brooklyn Segway Wheeler, will be officially fixed!!!



P.S. This is a reminder to post on the following topics: 1. My trip to Chicago and 2. Those times that we'll never forgive ourselves for and 3. A review of Harry Potter 5

Harry Potter 5

I though since Harry Potter 5 came out this week I would repost my review on the film.

The fifth film has less of a plot to it and very little mystery. The book builds more on Harry's visions that lead him to go to the Hall of Prophecies, but the movie, with very little time, must choose what is most important to the film. I am happy with what writers and directors chose to keep. In this film you see very little of Harry's friends and professors and lots of Harry. You will find that the development of Harry's character in this film will become very important in the sixth movie. While the fifth installment lacks mystery, it lays the foundation for future installments. Harry deals with his dark side and must choose whether to give in or stand up to evil.

Part of Harry learning to stand up for himself comes from his experience with Dolores Umbridge and the Ministry of Magic. Too proud to admit Voldemart has returned, the Ministry turns to lies and deception to keep up their reputation. They take over Hogwarts in the form of Professor Dolores Umbridge, who tidies things up by enforcing harsh rules, firing some questionable professors, and preventing the students from practicing spells. In response, students form their own secret society where Harry teaches them how to defend themselves against the Death Eaters, or Voldemort's followers. Harry grows as he teaches them, but still struggles with teenage hormones. He gains his first kiss with Cho Chang. On top of this, he still does not know what to do about his violent emotions. He says he's angry all the time and isolates himself from his friends. Luna Lovegood reminds him of the importance of community in fending off our foes. By the end of the film, Harry has a better idea of who he is as a person and of what his purpose is in life. Although it has been mentioned in past films, (spoiler alert) he finally understands that he has something Voldemort will never have: love and friendship. He chooses the good and pushes Voldemort out of his mind. Voldemort leans over Harry and whispers, "You will lose." The Ministry walks in and there's no denying the truth any longer.

David Yates directs the film for his first Harry Potter flick and I have to say I really enjoyed it. While the third film was my favorite, I did not like the direction of "The Prisoner of Azkaban." I would not mind the original director of the Potter films returning, but I also dislike the director of the fourth film. The sixth film should be interesting. I did not like the fifth book much, but loved the movie. I love the fourth book, but hated the fourth movie. I wonder what my impression will be of the sixth movie. The sixth movie is the beginning of the end of the series and cleans off looses ends from the fifth film. It will be important that it is done well and that parts of the book left out are tastefully chosen. One thing's for sure, I hope they bring back Nicholas Hooper as the composer. "Order" has the most beautiful and fulfilling soundtrack out of all the films. It builds off the original soundtrack in small amounts, but contains mostly new material that really connects with characters and events in the film. I highly recommend it. The acting in the film is also worth mentioning. Radcliffe, Grint, and Watson have grown so much in their abilities; it's hard not to like them. Newbie’s also do not disappoint. Imelda Staunton is ironically wicked as the cat loving, pink wearing Dolores Umbridge and Evanna Lynch's calm, strangely pitched voice adds character to the role of Luna Lovegood. It really is the best Potter film yet. Helena Bonham Carter also joins the cast as Bellatrix Lestrange. Considering how few lines she has she portrays a lot about her character just by body language and costume.

I found extra meaning in this film because I recently read a book called "Looking for God in Harry Potter" by John Granger. Reading this book and thinking more about the plot lines I found three main Christian elements in the story of this film:

1. Community. Harry tries to go it on his own, but finds he can't. Luna Lovegood reminds him that his friends provide support and loving care to him, encouraging him in his fight against evil, not to mention his fights against his own hormones. In the end, it is the memory of this love and friendship that enables Harry to say no to Voldemort. Likewise, we as Christians have many battles to face. We find support in community. We pray for each other and treat each other as we wish to be treated. We find that we all have a part to play in the building up of the church and no individual God-given gift can accomplish anything on its own. We also find community in the Order of the Phoenix, which bands together to fight Voldemort, as well as in Dumbledore's Army, the group of students Harry secretly teaches when Umbridge forbids the practice of magic. Interestingly enough, throughout history the phoenix has been a symbol used for Christ. Dumbledore also stands as a God-like father figure.

2. Life after death. Harry hears voices coming from the archway that Sirius disappears into at death. From this we gather that there is life after death and we always have something to hope for. Luna Lovegood tells Harry at the end of the film that things have a way of coming back to us in unexpected ways.

3. Good vs. Evil. Throughout the film, Harry struggles with the possibility that he could become just like Voldemort. A dark side in Harry begins to rise. He questions Sirius, asking why he feels so angry and what exactly the implications of his anger are. Both Sirius and Dumbledore indicate to Harry that everyone has both good and evil in them, it is which side they choose to act upon that matters. As Christians, we find the same thing true with our hearts. We all have a sinful nature that came with the fall. We can't get rid of our fleshly tendencies, but we can choose to say no to the temptation when it comes. It won't stop coming, we can still say no. Satan will try to attack our minds telling us that we, too, will "lose," but with God's help we can do anything. Once you decide to accept Christ, you belong to Him and Satan cannot take your soul. All he can do is try his best to keep you from bringing others to Christ. We all have the potential to do evil, but it is our choices that matter because God gave us free will.

So, I am a huge Harry Potter fan and I am a Christian. No that is not redundant or contradictory. Harry Potter is a great story that we all can learn from. You'll find that the fifth Harry Potter film will fill you up with a lot to digest. Not just the great special effects (I especially like the transitions, dueling scene, and newspaper headlines) and great acting, but the morals and the continuation of a great story worth watching over and over again.

Worship

I'm working on a term paper about worship styles and how worship should be planned to meet the congregation's needs (what styles they like), but most of all still focus on God. Any comments would be appreciated. I've posted a few comments on worship based on other blogs at my other blog if you are interested: http://confabremarks.blogspot.com/